When was the last time you were actually happy? I mean, honest to God comfortable in your own skin?
• Without having to over-schedule yourself with activities, even on weekends – just so that you can productively relax.
• Without having to catch up over the weekend? What if you didn’t put that brick in your calendar? Who would you be without being so available?
• Without doing so many spiritual and self-care practices? Time alone for what for and for who…?
I’m going to be brutally honest here.
You’re just avoiding yourself and getting nowhere.
Can you quietly sit at home and let the disappointments, heartbreaks and setbacks rise up in your chest instead of stuffing it down with meditating, praying or sending positive vibes?
Because, those self-care practices, without truly identifying and expressing your negative emotions in a healthy way, its still sitting inside you – getting louder and louder, while you journal and ‘gratitude’ it away momentarily.
My God. It does not work.
I throw my hands up in the air at all the times people say to me that, “I’m seeing a therapist and I’m doing a lot of self-care practices”.
Pause for a minute here.
Usually, these people don’t have underlying mental health issues, and just feel guilty, shamed or greedy for wanting more out of life.
I was there nearly 20 years ago.
It was my first taste of personal development and inhaled book after book, hoping to first hone my productivity, visualising and mindset work for the university entrance exams and then…. conquer the world! Haha!!
Next, I would hire THE top life coaches to give me the edge in life but they ended up just getting me out of rut after rut — as if accountability was going to cut it. Then I would do seminar after seminar with no lasting change.
Well, I was diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety for the next 10 years.
Yes, me, The LIFE Happiness Consultant.
Now, it was discovered after relentless therapy that I was MISDIAGNOSED – for 10 years.
Therapy has its place, but know that it is backward looking and you’re constantly rehashing past setbacks and all the emotional baggage attached to it.
Until I healed the traumas that were holding me back, I would have never had the lasting peace I do today.
So, what I want for you is to not waste your life away meditating and doing self-care practices or going from back-to-backs even on weekends.
A little homework, or I call, ‘Manifesting Momentum’ for my private clients that I love assigning, is to actually do…. nothing.
Here’s what I do:
1. Fill my favourite Moomin or Marks & Spencers bee design cup with warm water to only with about a finger’s depth from the top and served on small wooden chopping board (meant to be for cheese, but it’s for my cups and little snacks)
2. Sit at the dinner table, facing the stream outside. Have my back fully supported by the lumbar support and my butt sitting squarely at the back of the chair – unclenched! I’m petite, so I prop my feet on a stool that helps blood circulation and comfort as I sit doing… nothing.
3. Engaging my senses, hold the cup with both hands. I note the temperature of the water with my fingers and nose and take a small sip, just enough to cover my entire tongue with a thin film of warm water. It’s one or two sips before I feel the water nourishing my mouth, throat and branch out in my chest.
4. Letting my body take charge, I look outside and listen to the birds and the stream flowing – nature can be a load sometimes!!
5. Allowing space for healing. Sometimes, feelings of anger, fear, disappointment, upset may well up. And, I will let it. It is never overwhelming for me, but if it’s the first time, you may want to consider reaching out to your favourite therapist to guide you through the process. It could be me, and I’ll drop our team’s email below.
During this very visceral process, I part my lips and breath the emotions out through them. Sometimes, my back or throat will ache, or I will shiver – ugly shivers, right… not the cute, ‘give me a jacket’ types. Whatever it is, I just let my body lead and LET IT OUT. I always feel better afterwards.
Mind you, the personal development industry bangs on about the benefits of journalling, but I’ve found that it’s SO slow compared to physically releasing trapped emotions from the body. Writing can easily get a person back into their head – and that’s not where true healing happens. And I can get carried away with colour coding and organising my journal!
6. Rising out of doing nothing, squeezing my fingers and toes, stretching my back. Then I’m off again.
Now, this process, when I allowed space in life, it allowed space for healing. Sometimes I never feel anything, and I’m off in 5 minutes, sometimes it can take hours and I will need a nap afterwards. When I worked in corporate, I would do this around 5am and allow for 2 hours, but it wouldn’t be consistent, because sometimes work would go overtime, and I’d end up sleep deprived if I got up at 5am.
What I found over the years, and had success with clients is that this practice can be implemented throughout the day, and sometimes multiple times of the day.
This is different from mindfulness, although that is super useful. But the foundation of all healing is being able to make peace with your past.
This process is part of Step One of my The LIFE H System™. It’s called Lighten. Lighten the load to different aspects of ourselves and lives.
If you’ve found this useful, please like, comment and share it with your loved ones, so you can help spread the word to lighten their lives so that they can truly heal and live.
Any questions, feel free to email Team Life Habits at firstname.lastname@example.org
To your life happiness!